So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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