oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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