Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
