So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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