i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
