Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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