Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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