I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
