Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
