WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
