I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
