In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
