I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
