I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
