Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
