You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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