I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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