I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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