I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
