Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
