And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
