You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize