STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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