hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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