Just cropdusted the office
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
