Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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