After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
