There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
