Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
