i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
