I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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