Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
