I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
