Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
