i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
