all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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