I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
