he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
