I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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