I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
