he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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