Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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