Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize