Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Let's paint friendship bongs
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
