think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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