Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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