I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
