i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
