Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
