So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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