The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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