i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
