all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
