I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
