I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
