my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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