Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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