I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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