Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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