Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
