Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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