Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
