areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
