how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
