She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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